Dear Diary


Today I woke up late. the walk from my bed to my computer had to be a sprint today. I went to class, thankfully I had done my work last night like I was supposed to. I was the last one to log on, I always hate that feeling. anyway, our seminar was done in less time than I thought, and the assignments we were e-mailed were less than usual. i will have more extra time to play the Sims. Yes! I was pretty tired after class, but I knew I had to work in a bit. money doesn’t grow on trees. I’m not really loving my job, but it pays the bills. they usually give me too many products to list, and I don’t have enough time. working from home has its advantages, but I think they’re starting to overwork me. I would ask for a raise but i can’t risk being let go, how would I pay for my apartment? 
my work is finally done, I didn’t finish listing everything but I’m sure they won’t notice. Gosh, I wish I had kept the money I won from that poker tournament, but that new computer I could buy right from the same site was just calling my name. all it took was two right clicks and it was gone like magic, eh, at least its a decent computer. not that i needed any more computers. I keep making all these stupid life decisions. like that chick I met not too long ago. she seemed a bit older, but her profile picture still looked great. Once I got to know her though she was pretty basic. all her messages were painful to read too, almost sad. maybe if she had paid attention in class she could’ve learned how to use proper grammar, but then again  her generation actually had to use a person to teach, I couldn’t blame her for being so behind. 
I really need to stop feeling sorry about myself, not every one is as lucky as me, at least that’s what my therapist keeps telling me. I’m glad she’s usually online, so I get to talk to her often. though our contract only allows for three detailed sessions we sometimes don’t agree on a time to log on, given she lives on the other side of the globe. I’m usually up all night, the same time she’s logged on so we connect then. it works out. she was the first name to come up after i googled “therapist”, so I knew she was the best. slowly but surely I’m somewhat starting to feel like myself again. time to sleep… tomorrow will be another day.
I woke up late yet again. Again i had the embarrassment of being the last one to log on, notifying everyone, this time it was worse though since it was the church service. I wish my insomnia would give me a break, I can’t go through life always being the tardy user. Either way, I think I’m starting to figure out what’s missing in my life… I have none. I see nothing but four walls everyday, but I didn’t choose to. I grew up in a world where no human contact is necessary, I never had realized how anti social that made me. i never realized i had no real friends, or social circle past Google +. I guess I’m gonna have to venture into the real world, the thing is I don’t know how to start a real conversation. face to face? where do i begin?

One thought on “Dear Diary

  1. It is interesting that you formatted your post in this way. It shows how difficult it is for a person to truly cope with technology that is preventing on from “going out there”, physically at least. Ironically with all the ways technology connects people around the globe, it also in its own way is a prison if it goes too far and it makes it less for humans to be social.

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